Third Sunday of Easter

Who are you? I have no idea who you really are. Do you? Have you “found” yourself yet, or are you still searching? Don’t you sometimes surprise yourself even now, after all these years? I guess we are – all of us – still works-in-progress.

This was really brought home to me when first my father and then my mother died a quarter of a century ago. When I sat down to compose the homilies for their funeral Masses, it struck me that it was the first time in my life that I could see who they really had been – past tense. Up until then, they were at least partially a mystery. They were still becoming, still capable of surprising me. Only when they had breathed their last did they put the final period on the story of their lives…a story they were still writing up until that instant.

So long as we’re alive, we remain a kind of mystery to everyone around us, even those who love us and know us best. That shouldn’t surprise us because, no matter how much self-knowledge we’ve gained over the years, we continue to be a mystery to ourselves. We know only a little about our true motives. Why, after all, do we do some of the things we do?

When I was first learning about the disease of codependency, I found thirteen characteristics of a codependent as spelled out by the therapist and author, Janet Woititz. To my amazement, all of them fit me…except one. That one said, “[Codependents] lie even when it’s easier to tell the truth.” I objected. “I’m an honest man,” I insisted. In fact, I prided myself on my honesty. It was some time later that I came to the understanding that the person I was consistently lying to was…myself.

If our own wills are such a mystery to us, then what can we possibly say about the will of God? And yet, irrespective of the fickleness of the human heart, the will of God is certain and sure. In today’s gospel, Jesus opened the minds of his disciples to the Scriptures. “Thus it is written that the Christ” – the Messiah – “would suffer and rise from the dead on the third day.” What would come to pass – the inexorable will of God – was written there in the Scriptures for all to see. Nothing that anyone thought or believed or said or did had any impact on God’s will. How can this be? How can human beings’ wills be tossed about by every random whim that comes along, and yet the will of God plays out exactly as he ordains it, regardless?

The answer, of course, is in the way God messes with time. Bounded by space and time as we are, we can only move through it one thought at a time, one action at a time. Our minds can’t even wrap themselves around what it would mean to be timeless. It’s meaningless to us that God experiences everything in one endless instant. And yet, by standing outside of human history, God effortlessly sees that everything works together for the good – that is, for his will. Our thoughts and actions have consequences for ourselves and for our fellows. But they are of no consequence for God. When we pray, “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” we have no impact on God’s will. Our prayer is rather that we may have the courage to align our wayward wills with God’s.

Let’s go back for just a moment and hear again what Peter was preaching to the citizens of Jerusalem in our first reading. “You handed [him] over,” he said. “You denied [him].” “You put [him] to death.” “Now I know, brothers, that you acted out of ignorance, just as your leaders did; but God has thus brought to fulfillment what he had announced beforehand through the mouth of all the prophets, that his Christ would suffer.” Notice he says “God has thus brought to fulfillment…” In other words, our thoughts, words, and deeds – misguided, ignorant, or even malicious though they may be – cannot thwart God’s will. Rather, God uses all of it to accomplish his purpose. So, if God can use us to accomplish his will regardless of our intentions, why do we need repentance?

The answer is that our motives have consequences…for us. When we fail to align our wills with the will of God, we diminish ourselves. We sell off a chunk of our happiness, our peace of mind, and our integrity for a momentary satisfaction of our ego’s craving. God does not punish. We humans do altogether too god a job with that as it is. Likewise, repentance and realignment of our will with God’s brings its own reward. We don’t just become better people, we become more: more healthy, more whole, more loving, more alive.

We needn’t be afraid of our wayward wills. Our decisions for good or ill can’t alter what will be. But they can and do change us. They don’t just determine our quality of life here and now. The resurrected life that is the promise of Easter is not just for the Christ alone. It’s for us. For ever, but starting here and now. And that’s who we are and who we’ll always be if we’re only willing. We are sons and daughters of our heavenly Father and heirs with Christ of the resurrection and the fulness of life everlasting. That’s our identity. Who are you? That’s who!